


Towards Perfection

by suncityblues



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Force Sensitivity, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Phasma Ships It, evil space romance, pre tfa, slow burn kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-22 18:16:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6089737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suncityblues/pseuds/suncityblues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place shortly before the events of The Force Awakens.<br/>General Hux doesn’t sleep, Kylo Ren doesn’t know how to talk to people, and somehow they keep finding each other in their late night orbits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hux considers himself a man made of clean lines, efficient and exacting, unwavering in the face of any possible challenge. A marble obelisk of a human being, stretching far above the heads of those around him. A living testament to hard work and cold rock.

But the bitterly denied truth is, Hux is not sure who he would be outside of the First Order. He's spent his whole life in the military, just like his father spent his whole life in the academy, and Hux finds it calming how every single thing has a place here, and that he knows those places well. 

But without the military?

He never lets this line of thinking go much farther; has little tolerance for weakness like that even if it only exists inside his mind. But when he lies in bed the thoughts come to him, like they had been waiting all day for his guard to be down.

So, Hux sleeps less and less.

And his days begin to form like this: he works, and he works, and he works.  
Then he goes back to his rooms and lines his clothes up for the next day, polishes his boots, goes to bed and thinks about work until he is either distracted by feelings of unacknowledged uncertainty or, less likely, actually feels tired enough to drift in and out of consciousness. 

He’s not particularly bothered by his restlessness, he cannot remember a day in his life that he ever woke up feeling fully rested; it’s simply not in his nature to feel content. But the skin beneath his eyes starts to take on darker bruise-blue hues than they normally do, and even Phasma had suggested he take some time to himself in her clipped noncommittal tone, the closest he's ever heard her come to a personal conversation. 

But, rest is not an option for Hux.  
  
Between being called to meet with Snoke, updates on the final preparations of the superweapon on Starkiller Base, on keeping track of the Republic and planning his next actions against them, on basic everyday needs of a fully operational military outfit, there is simply no room for Hux the human when Hux the general is there too.

It’s a sacrifice Hux does not at all mind making.  
And if the work keeps him from unnecessary bouts of introspection, well, that's just a plus.  

 

 

His life begins to change like this: things become more and more hectic in his work until one day he makes the decision to stop feigning sleep altogether, considering it a waste of time. And Hux, he doesn’t like to waste anything.

He returns from his office, removes his belt and gloves and sits down at the small table bolted to the floor of his private rooms to think about what to do with the information that Luke Skywalker could be found, and that a map piece might be located soon. He reads through reports from Intelligence stating they had picked up on some unsubstantiated rumblings about Jakku. And, while Hux does not care one whit about an old Jedi who may not even be alive anymore, he knows Kylo Ren certainly is invested in the news. He also knows that because Kylo Ren cares, and despite his own opinions, that they will be heading to the Jakku System as soon as Snoke gives the official order.

It will come tomorrow morning if he's lucky, in the middle of the night if he's not. Snoke has an uncanny way of calling to him at the least convenient times. 

 

This particular nuisance doesn’t annoy him as much as the wild goose chases usually do because he can feel, deep in his bones that things are officially coming to a head, like a spring coil being pushed down, about to release.

As though one step in either direction could tip the whole conflict, and by extension, history in anyone’s favor.

It is not the easiest responsibility to have all these people counting on him, the fate of his home at least partially dependent on his decisions but Hux is sure of himself. He won’t make a mistake, he just needs to make sure everything is in order and everyone is ready. He cannot tolerate any outliers here. 

A war cannot be won by good leaders alone, his father had said to him when he became a general. Hux likes to think that means Brendol was proud or happy, but he can never quite tell.

He frowns at nothing, having noticed how much time had already passed while he was reading, and stands to make himself a pot of caf from his little kitchenette only to realize he's run out.

He feels a swelling of irrational frustration that he quickly tampers down on, and briefly imagines drinking some of the stale root teas he hates, before straightening his collar, grabbing a traveler's canteen, and heading to the officer’s lounge where they keep an extra ration of caf, instead. 

The walk could do him some good, he thinks.

 

 

It’s the time they have designated as night in this part of the ship, when they dim the lights in the barracks hallways to mimic the day-night patterns of systems with one sun, where most of the troopers and officers come from. Hux wanders the dark halls with ease, cursing himself for having gone through an entire month’s ration of caf in less than three weeks.

And, true, he could fudge the budget or steal from the large trooper mess halls that have a surplus, like he suspects some of the lower ranking officers do but Hux does not break rules, he would never undermine the First Order, even in this small way.

Instead he makes his way to the lounge, and though several times he considers turning around, he ignores the feeling. It’s usually empty at night, with the exception of cleaning drones and the occasional sleepless officer, and Hux is glad for this slight reprieve from having to talk to anyone or issue orders when he's outside of his rooms. Even having to nod at passing troopers is exhausting for all that it is a thoughtless bob of the head.

 

When he gets to the lounge however, he understands where his bad feeling came from; he’d always been good at predicting nuisances. Still, he is surprised to see Kylo Ren sitting slightly ruffled but perfectly still in a big lounge chair by the door.

It would be almost funny seeing the ever intimidating knight looking like a child in an over stuffed chair, if Hux was the kind of person with no self preservation and a sense of humor.

He doesn’t wonder why Ren is not in his rooms, it’s obvious that he’s been wandering the halls aimlessly before he came here as he sometimes does when meditation doesn't go his way, and Hux is used to this particular brand of theatrics. Judging from the way Ren is tensed, Hux knows he is working himself up to something and he is unfortunately the one who will likely have to listen to it.

Not one to invite needless conflict or one to go into a room and then leave it, Hux walks to the small counter, pulls out the box marked Spinian Caf and dumps a portion of it unceremoniously into the machine with barely a nod at Ren on the way. He does not watch to see if Ren nods back.

Though they’re close allies, often teamed together, and have been acquainted on and off for roughly half a decade, Hux does not like having his back to any member of the Knights of Ren, and especially not to one who so often destroys everything in their general vicinity. He very simply does not trust extra military organizations, doesn't think they're particularly useful for all of their liabilities, and feels they should be under the same control as the rest of the First Order: preferably his. 

He can feel Ren staring at his back, just the same.

After a few agonizingly long minutes of watching caf brew, and, more importantly, actively looking at anything besides Kylo, Hux hears a soft whooshing sound behind him and doesn’t have to turn around to know that Ren has taken his helmet off. 

Kylo Ren almost never takes his mask off unless he's in front of Snoke or presumably by himself, and sometimes Hux wonders if he’s the only one on the ship who has actually seen Ren’s face. For reasons Hux doesn't want to consider for very long, he likes having that distinction.

The machine beeps at him once it's finished and slowly Hux fills his canteen with freshly brewed caf, which was his whole reason for being there, he has to remind himself. Not to oblige in whatever Kylo Ren has planned, especially when it's not even his working hours.

He turns around in place with the expectation that Ren will most likely have something bothersome to tell him at best, and offensive at worst. It's not unusual for Ren to corner him somewhere and criticize some aspect of his military plans that get in the way of Ren's personal desires. 

Hux shoots Ren a questioning look, since he might as well get this over with, but he’s surprised to see Ren looking unperturbed for once.   
Things click together in Hux’s mind.

Snoke must have spoken to Ren earlier that day, they must have been discussing how to get the map that leads to Luke Skywalker, and much like himself, the feeling of the pieces finally fitting together has made him feel uplifted. Ready to fight, ready to finally use what they’ve trained their whole lives for.

They can only give up so much of themselves before they want something in return, the end of the Republic.

Hux is almost jealous that Ren only has to answer to Snoke and no one else, has no real responsibilities outside of his personal quests, which often become Hux’s professional quests as a result. Hux has hundreds and hundreds of troopers under him, equipment, ships, all who are in constant need. His victory celebrations are nothing more than a caf and an extra long shower. A childish part of him that he tries so hard to keep quiet wants to act out, wants to do something, anything, special to commemorate. A part of him suspects he may die before this is over and have nothing to show for it.  

No matter though, he tells himself as he nixes the last part. He wants to be Emperor one day and he’s sure he will have many innumerable victories on the way there as long as he does not allow for distraction.  
  
More rhetor from his father: you cannot allow yourself to go soft, that’s how mistakes get made.

 

Kylo Ren is looking at him with furrowed brows.  
Hux doesn’t have much patience to begin with and is almost at the end of what little he does have.

“Ren?” He asks testily.

Hux wonders for a moment if Kylo Ren can read his mind from all the way across the room. The last time Ren had tried it hadn’t worked very well, it gave Hux a headache and unless he projected his thoughts or was absolutely furious he could always tell when Ren was trying to get a read on him. This bothered Ren to no end and was therefore one of Hux’s most prized talents, though seemingly every time he meets Ren after an extended period of time the other man is always stronger.

Hux is sure that even last time if Ren really wanted to he could have ripped the doors to Hux's mind open with one painful application of the force.  
And so he is glad that Kylo Ren is reigned in at least enough that he contains himself from torturing the general of the First Order for fun. 

But, if Ren reads his mind now he makes no indication of it. Instead he cocks his head to the side and says, “Why are you awake, General Hux?”

It’s a stupid question Hux decides before the words are even fully out of Ren’s mouth, hardly worth dramatically removing a helmet for. He considers asking the same question back at Ren but Hux suspects that being awake in the middle of the night is part of his co-commander’s regular sleep schedule, like being a force user requires him to be spooky at all times.

Instead Hux simply replies, “work.”

Ren squints at him like Hux had said something completely ridiculous, and it’s obvious that he thinks Hux is lying to him. To Hux though, work is as good a reason as any to be up in the middle of the night, and not a lie so much as a brush off.

He can feel the oppressing power of Ren’s force start to butt up against his own thoughts shortly after he speaks. It’s painful and intrusive, and so tremendously obvious that Hux immediately thinks in great detail about plumbing schematics, about how the heat coil works inside the caf machine even as he’s grinding out a stern, “Stop that this instant!”

Ren frowns with his whole body, posture hunching a bit and neck craning out like Hux is some sort of strange puzzle that he is determined to figure out. Hux is just grateful to see the man’s unguarded face right now, and not pick up on any real anger.

Hux wants to demand an apology for the intrusion, though he knows he’s not going to get one. A speech about respect for high commanders flits through his mind but he restrains himself, it would be a waste of his time to try and explain to Kylo Ren that other people’s brains are not open property, he’s tried it before.

“I can’t...” Ren starts to say but Hux tells himself he doesn’t care, he walks out the door with all the dignity he can muster, despite the crackling aura of a new headache forming behind his eyes.

 

 

He pretends not to hear the door opening again behind him or the footsteps that seem to be following him down the hall. He walks faster and Ren speeds up with him. Hux closes his eyes for a moment and comes to a stop at an overlook by the hangar before it became an all out race. He tells himself that he has to act like an adult because he is an adult and adults apparently have horribly awkward socializations with Kylo Ren and have no real option about it. He turns around to look out at the large port at the end of hangar where planes enter and leave from.

Ren takes a place just behind him. 

Tomorrow he presumes they will enter hyperspace with its whirling lights but for now all that can be seen beyond the ship is the black nothingness of the Unknown Regions. He admires this part of space because of its great capacity for absence. He’s not sure why but he allows the thought to float to the top of his mind, where Ren could pick up on it if he wanted to. He does not turn to look and see if Ren noticed though, he tries to look at Ren as little as possible.

Ren clears his throat, Hux can tell he’s wearing his helmet again by the pitch of his voice and the reflection in the glass.

“This is work for you?” he says. Hux is sure that Ren meant it to come out as patronizing but it sounds more lost, like he’s reading words but doesn’t know what they mean. Hux considers the upside of explaining that, yes, some people actually have had to work a day in their lives, unlike Ren, but he decides against it. It sounds too bitter and revealing even to his own mind.

Instead, Hux ignores him and watches the maintenance droids and engineers who live on the part of the ship where it's currently day move in and out of docked TIE fighters with uniform precision. Everything is operational, nothing will go wrong that can’t be fixed. Hux is proud of that.

He’s not sure how long they stand there, totally silent. Hux thinks about nothing in particular, except that his eyes are starting to sting from being open too long. He sees himself reflected in the glass window of the overlook; makes note of familiar pale features and red rimmed eyes. He realizes he never put his belt back on before leaving his rooms and his tunric is loose. He frowns at himself and contemplates heading back to his rooms before anyone under his authority sees him but suddenly feels a hand on his back. He looks to see Ren standing much closer to him than he previously was, without Hux ever noticing.

Despite the absurdity of their positions Hux doesn’t immediately move away and is somewhat impressed by Ren’s ability to still look serious while doing something so bizarre.

He is also unwilling to admit it but he likes the feeling of having someone’s hand against him, even when the prickle of Ren trying to get into his thoughts comes again. This time is much less painful, like Ren is not trying to pry open the doors of Hux's mind against his will but rather knocking first.

Hux isn’t sure why but he thinks about a distant memory of a rainy planet where he used to live before the Empire fell. One day the sun came out and his mother had been so happy. 

He thinks about the respect the First Order will have once the whole universe knows the power of Starkiller, that even despite the Republic’s best efforts to crush them, to starve the people and the lands with economic and trade sanctions, weaken them through removing their ability to legally produce weaponry they still are the powerful, rightful heirs to all of space.

He doesn’t know if Ren picks up on any of it. Thinking about the righteousness of the First Order is his go-to thought process when he’s around Snoke since he has a seemingly unending well of anger about the fall of the Empire, and it never hurts to be careful with thoughts around those who use the force. Hux doesn’t much care if these thoughts are shared with Ren either, they’re hardly secrets, though Hux does not appreciate being anyone’s test subject. He takes a sip of caf from his canteen but it tastes cold and heavy by now.

Finally Ren says “I can’t read your mind very well, even now that I’m touching you. Why?” As though Hux could possibly know the answer to that.

It seemed like an accusation that Hux has no desire to deal with. But the spell has been broken, Hux takes a step forward out of Ren's reach. He doesn’t want to listen to whatever Kylo Ren is talking about, half the time the man acts like the effort to explain a whole thought to someone is exhausting and unnecessary, like the other person is somehow a burden. It is by far one of Hux’s least favorite things about him.

“I don’t know” Hux says in an offended tone, though he’s still not sure what they’re really talking about. He turns to walk towards his office, trying to think of something to do, “I should be going now, I’ve wasted enough time here as is...”

“You should go to your rooms and sleep” Ren says forcefully besides him.

Hux can’t deny the feeling of exhaustion sweeping through him, as though the mere suggestion of sleep reminded his body that it was human, and that humans needed to rest.

He finds it in himself to frown at Ren and resist for a few moments but eventually grinds out, “Fine, I’ll go back to my rooms and sleep” before turning and walking away.

And when he finally sleeps that night he does not dream.


	2. Chapter 2

When Hux wakes up he is tired and sick to his stomach. It’s a greasy, uneasy feeling like he’d had too much to drink though he knows he did not, his mind feels foggy and his throat is dry.

It takes him longer than usual to adjust his eyes to the lights he had apparently left on all night and when he finally gets out of bed it’s to force himself to drink a glass of water, which he almost immediately throws back up.

Hux would not consider it one of his better mornings.

He takes a shower and the queasy feeling subsides a bit, though the exhaustion sticks to his bones like an invisible weight. He wasn’t sure it was possible, but one night of deep sleep seems to have made him more achey and exhausted than the day before.

Hux dries himself and dresses efficiently. He brushes his teeth and eats a small piece of crunchy unleavened bread with fruit butter from his personal rations. He tells himself he will live this day like all days, with perfect efficiency, not belaying any personal problems to anyone.

Then, he sees the time on the Communication Port and realizes he’s almost an hour late for duty.

A different kind of nausea wells up in him this time and he dashes towards the door as soon as his shoes are on. Never before in his adult life has he been late to report, not even when his mother had died, that is the first thing taught in the academy. And, while true at his position he's trusted enough to make his own schedule, it's a matter of consistency for him. He has a horrible, irrational feeling that something bad will happen to him now, like when he had broken something as a child and tried to hide it.

Hux is furious with himself as he heads towards the hallway and then suddenly remembers what had happened the night before. He hadn't thought of it until now, his mind still wrapped up in early morning fog, and so he mentally corrects himself and chooses instead to be furious with Kylo Ren. Though he’s not positive Ren had actually used any kind of force trick to make him sleep, and he certainly didn’t force Hux to oversleep, Hux has no doubt that Ren is somehow guilty. Kylo Ren is always, somehow, guilty. 

 

 

Hux lets his annoyance propel him out the door, only to almost charge into a messenger who appeared to be about to press his quarter's communication button.

The messenger is short and big eyed, with a kind of nervousness about her that says she’s either inexperienced or Hux is scarier looking than usual.  
  
For both their sakes he hopes it’s the latter.

Hux can guess the messenger is there to relay information from Snoke, but what’s pressing on his mind is how long the woman had been waiting for him, and if there was any chance he could make it seem like he was doing something besides sleeping in while everyone else was working. It's unusual for messengers to try his rooms, and it doesn't bode well with his previous plan of sneaking into his office and pretending like nothing had happened.

His mind goes to the officer training sessions he’d been forced to watch over and over in the last few years. A well dressed man in black and red says: It is important for those underneath you to view you as the hardest working member of the team. You are the support beam upon which we are all expected to build a strong and well made army. Your attention to standards will encourage even the weakest amongst you to work harder themselves.

Hux decides the best course of action is to not act guilty, like a good pillar would. And, besides, confidence is the easiest lie.

“Well?” He says to the messenger as imperiously as he can.  
The way she suddenly leans back lets Hux know he was successful at intimidating her.

“Sir,” she begins carefully, “I’ve been ordered to tell you that you are needed in the E-06 holo suite, as soon as you are available.”

Hux nods, he’s not sure how to ask her if he’s late without her knowing that’s really what he’s asking. The last thing Hux wants is to have made Snoke wait considering how much he values his life.

“And you’ve come directly from the chamber to contact me?” He finally decides on, hoping that she didn't, so at least then he'd have someone to blame or chastise.  
She is quick to reply, though it’s obvious she’s thinks she’s done something wrong, “Yes, General. I would have gone to your office first, but Lord Ren told me you would be here.”

There is an unspoken “sorry” at the end of her speech though she wisely chooses to omit it. Hux nods bitterly at her.  

As he storms to the meeting room he is so annoyed with Kylo Ren that he doesn’t even dismiss the messenger girl, he just leaves her standing at full attention in the hallway.

  
And it isn’t until later that he considers what it means that Ren is telling underlings that he knows if their general is sleeping or not.

 

 

 

His meeting with Snoke is mercifully short and filled with information Hux already presumed the day before. They’re heading to the Jakku System. They’re going to look for a data map. Kylo Ren is going to have access to several troopers and a ship, and Hux will have free reign to decide any and all tactical maneuvers once there.

Hux nods when it's appropriate and knows better than to speak out of turn, does not have questions.

  
He does his best to keep whatever confusing feelings he has about Kylo Ren buried deep inside his mind while in front of Snoke, lest it imply there is some level of discord inside the Finalizer, and, perhaps, because Hux himself has no desire to share a half formed memory of the night before with anyone, caught up as it is with how much he liked being touched.

Hux isn't even sure it matters, he's never quite known if Snoke is reading his mind or not during the meetings, or if it's even possible to read minds as a hologram. The air inside the meeting room when he's projecting himself is different, Hux can tell, but compared to Kylo Ren’s attempts at prying his mind open like a child getting at a new toy, it’s nothing. Still, he is careful, no one at the academy taught them how to deal with force users, and he’d never met one prior to Kylo Ren. The extent of their powers are so ill defined that they border on complete fantasy-- he'd heard everything from controlling the weather to speaking with animals and it's not a subject one could attempt to research in the First Order without raising some warning. 

It bothers him, being at such an inherent disadvantage, and one that so conveniently keeps him from understanding the Supreme Leader and whatever weaknesses he might have. Hux has goals, and if he wants to reach them he knows he'll have to either be trusted by or defeat Snoke one day, and he cannot do either if he doesn't understand what the Supreme Leader is made from. 

Just the same he keeps his mind on the conversation at hand with no deviation. 

He is grateful when Snoke dismisses him and he leaves the meeting feeling more off kilter than usual. Walking out the door feels like going from breathing water to atmosphere and he inhales deeply, never more content to smell the Finalizer's canned air, glad to be alone in the hallway.

Then he straightens his coat on his shoulders, tells himself to get it together, and walks briskly off to get work done, startlingly aware about how much of his life relies on compartmentalization.

 

 

 

 

The first thing he does once he reaches his office is call for Phasma who arrives with characteristic punctuality.

She’s a no nonsense soldier, fiercely loyal to the Order and to her position. She had been offered several higher paid and more glamorous ranks than captain but had always insisted on staying with her troops. Hux finds that commendable, partially because with her only interested in a position below him he doesn’t have to worry about any power plays, but secondly, he genuinely believes her to a stand out amongst the army and someone Hux could trust having as his second in command. 

Her job mostly revolves around being on the ground with the Storm Troopers, making sure they are trained and stay trained, always sharp and not in need of reeducation. She has no tolerance for kindness, friendship, or empty words and is hardly seen in the officer’s lounges, or the even the one designated room for highest of high command to relax, preferring instead to always be working. 

She is the first person Hux tells about their plans to head to Jakku, even before the navigation staff or Mitaka, ostensibly because she should be expecting some skirmishes but also in part because she is his one true ally against the whims of the Knights of Ren.

One she’s seated and he’s explained to her the plan, she leans back in her chair, still rigidly straight-backed.

“Of course, sir,” She says through her helmet, “I have an FN Unit that needs real combat experience that I think will suffice.”

She pauses for a bit and Hux can tell from her shoulders that she’s a bit tense, “I assume this is another one of Kylo Ren’s missions?”

Hux nods slightly.

“I see” she flatlines.  
Hux doesn’t have to see her face or ask her to elaborate to know what her meaning is.

They don’t have an unlimited number of Storm Troopers, and Kylo Ren is often getting them killed with little or no regard for how long it takes or how expensive it is for the First Order to groom perfect soldiers from birth.

They never talk about it, Captain Phasma being even less fond of personal interactions than Hux, but both of them have personal interests in the success of the Storm Trooper program. Hux’s father is the one who initially came up with the idea for raising children from birth as they’re less likely to get diseases than clones, Phasma is currently in charge of all trained troopers on the Finalizer, and neither of them are particularly fond of reporting any substantial losses.

There’s nothing to be done about it though, they have no power over a Knight of Ren, and particularly one who is so close to Snoke, so Hux says, “You are dismissed Captain Phasma."

Even restrained to nonverbal commiseration, he feels better after having talked to her. They'd both prefer to be at Starkiller base, working on preparations, that much is certain. 

Phasma gets to her feet with no hesitation and is about to leave when Hux hears himself say, “By the way, I’d be careful with your troops around Ren for a bit; he tried to use me as a test subject for his force powers last night.”

He's not sure why he says it and isn't even sure that it's true. 

Phasma becomes very still once he's finished speaking.

Normally Hux can read people well even with helmets on but he’s lost at Phasma’s reaction. Surely she isn’t surprised that Ren is acting like an unattended child, so Hux can’t imagine what her reaction means.

Hux raises his eyebrows in askance.  
He can almost hear Phasma’s gears turning.

“Thank you for the warning, General Hux. I don’t think it will be particularly relevant to me, however.” Her voice is even more measured than usual, and Hux knows she will not be receptive to any more talk during this meeting, which is fine for Hux, who feels as though he said something embarrassing, though he's not sure how or what. 

"You may go" he waves her off. He’s sure they’re both grateful to be on their own after this.

 

 

Hux spends the rest of the day notifying the ship that they will be headed into hyperspace, though he only tells the higher ranking officials and navigation staff that they’re specifically off to the Jakku System, as is the usual precaution.

He is back in his office by the time they tip into the flashing lights, doing paperwork and overviewing cost analyses. It’s dull, hard work but it needs to be done.

He desperately wants some caf to help him through it but cannot bring himself to go to an officer’s lounge or ask anyone. He wants to tell himself it’s because he doesn’t need to waste the time but knows that's not the real reason.

Hux does not believe in distractions and certainly not in procrastination and he keeps his mind from side tracking with considerable strength of will so as to actually get work done.

Ignoring everything works for the most part, though Hux almost throws his lunch ration at a wall when the thought of Ren’s hand on his back floats into his mind completely unbidden.

By the time he reads through enough cost projection holo sheets to make the headache from yesterday threaten to return it’s well past normal work hours, and most troopers are already in the mess hall. He’s sure he missed out on the officer’s dining time which he usually makes sure to at least show his face at and resigns himself to ask a droid to bring him some left overs. He figures it’s what he gets for oversleeping today.

A big part of him wants to leave his office, find Ren, and yell at him. Partially for the other night and partially for taking up so much of his thoughts the next day. But, he can’t act so rashly, not even in his day dreams; he knows Ren, and Ren only is found when he wants to be.

There is no sending the man a message to meet him unless it's for an official reason, and certainly no pressing the call button on his door. Hux could yell and bang his fists outside Ren’s quarters if he wanted to, but he knows it would do no good.

And what would Hux even say? "Did you use some strange force trick on me because you were concerned about my health?" It's a laughable thought. 

 

So, Hux restrains himself and reviews new classified messages from Intelligence over cold mushroom caps and root stew. The messages say that the Resistance might be sending someone under cover to Jakku themselves, that they’d spotted a somewhat suspicious craft. 

He makes note of it, he’s not in command of Intelligence Operations and can at the most send a request for more information. He chooses not to, he’s got faith that they’ll have something specific to go off of by time they reach their destination, though he’s still not entirely sure it means anything. He sends an encrypted message to Phasma and Mitaka getting them up to speed anyway, and then, because there is nothing else to do, and he has no desire to rest, he leaves his office and checks in with the various stations around the Finalizer.

 

 

He crosses into the secondary part of the ship where roughly a quarter of the population works when those in the main part are asleep. They're mostly eating breakfast here or doing morning drills, and Hux makes sure he's seen but not forced into conversation with any social climbing sycophants.

There's not much going on there, though it's good for him to see and be seen by those under his command, but after a while he has to admit to himself he’s effectively just wandering around the ship scaring people and not helping.

 

When he returns through an elevator and into the dark part of the ship it's well past the time when anyone not on guard duty would be awake. He resigns himself to simply heading back to his rooms and writing out memos for the next day, or otherwise watching a First Order Morale Holo, one that details the rise and fall of the Empire, one that talks extensively about their promised future glory. He knows it’s mostly propaganda but despite his rank he grew up on these ships just like almost everyone else here. He breathed the stale air, lived in darkness and cold since he was a small child, ate only foods that grow in the absence of light, and it has to be for something. 

It's nice to see something where he's not the bad guy. 

Besides, it could help him to stop thinking so much about Kylo Ren. A large part of him wants to know if Ren had honestly used the force on him the night before, and if so had Ren known that it would make Hux feel so ill afterwards? Like his body had rejected the command so completely that it injured itself.

He tells himself there’s nothing for it, that he shouldn’t do anything for it anyway. The the movie is a fine idea but a different one comes into his mind at the same time. It’s foolish, he knows, and could have embarrassing consequences, but Ren can sometimes hear people when they’re projecting or too angry to keep their thoughts controlled, at least when he’s concentrating.

Hux has no idea if that road goes both ways however, if Hux could call out to Ren intentionally and have him hear it. To communicate on Ren’s own level might be curious enough to bring Ren out and then Hux could finally get some closure on the whole ordeal.

It seems unlikely even to his own mind. 

Hux decides to try anyway. He cannot let something like being controlled against his will slide, he tells himself even though he’s less angry now than he was in the morning once he realized no one was particularly put out by his lateness. Still, it’s an affront to everything he stands for and the First Order as a whole. He thinks the word respect. 

He does not consider that he wants to talk to Ren again in a nonprofessional way.

So, even though he feels ridiculous, he steadies himself. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, well aware that he’s standing like an idiot in the middle of a hallway. For the first time in his life he hopes no one is watching the security footage at the moment.

Hux rallies his mind and thinks the word: _REN._

He opens his eyes and looks around, somehow expecting Kylo Ren to materialize out of thin air. For all he knows, Sith and Jedi could do that.   
He pauses for a few minutes, listening for anything in the halls but nothing comes.

He hates to admit that he feels foolish and a bit rejected.  
A Morale Holo it is then, he thinks and heads off to his rooms, hopefully to hide for the rest of the evening.

 

 

But Hux has never been particularly adept at understanding the whims of the universe and as he turns a corner by the same general’s lounge as the night before he’s met with the sight of Kylo Ren, standing there, looking for all the world as though he's trying to see through the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to cut the middle chapter into two parts so this one is being published slightly earlier than was the plan. Thanks for the feedback!


	3. Chapter 3

Ren is standing stock still, seemingly at ease though Hux can tell by the way he holds himself he’s not. His shoulders are too drawn, and his head is tilted slightly. Hux has an odd feeling about it.

Over the years he's become adept at reading people’s moods when they’re wearing masks but he wonders where the line is between picking up on an emotion and simply seeing what he wants to.

And Hux very much wants to see Kylo Ren looking for him in the officer’s lounge from the night before. He wonders if this is delirium or some lingering effect of the force, because he is sure that a week ago he would have been glad to see Ren leave and never talk to him again.

He's also curious if Ren had heard him call out after all.

 

He’s not sure what to do or say when they see each other, not sure how to explain himself if Ren did indeed respond to his co-commander calling to him in his mind. Hux can feel the last vestiges of the annoyance and confusion that was keeping him going all day seeping away, replaced instead with mild mortification.

Some half awake part of him entertains the idea that Ren might have been waiting for him here in the dark without having heard Hux’s call at all, perhaps hoping that Hux would wander into the lounge for a second time.

 

Hux chooses to nod at him when Ren turns in his direction.  
A nod is the accepted greeting in the First Order. No unnecessary talk, no shows of affection, just simple mutual acknowledgement of existence.  
 Kylo Ren turns his head to the side and straightens his shoulders in return, which bothers Hux for reasons other than a breech of acceptable protocol.

He decides then and there that he’s not willing to be party to whatever Ren has going on, and he won’t be corralled into another bizarre one sided conversation but before he can walk away and pretend this never happened Ren says apropos of nothing, “Let me see your eyes.”

It’s almost a command, and spoken in a way that implies this is a normal thing to say to anyone in the middle of a hallway.

Hux’s mind goes blank for a moment. Of course Ren would show up out of nowhere and say something strange and obnoxious. And while Hux can’t really do anything about wether or not his eyes are visible since he’s not even wearing his hat, he simply says, “No.”

Ren doesn’t make a move, he just impassively stares through his mask which feels, to Hux, like an act of petty defiance.

Hux takes a deep, steadying breath and launches into a speech he’s given many times to Ren, usually after their private meetings with Snoke, “You are overstepping your bounds, ever for a Knight of Ren! I have just as much authority on this ship as you, and...”

He stops mid sentence as a nervous looking Storm Trooper, probably a night guard, enters the hallway. Hux is aware the speech sounds petulant, valid as his issues may be, and this is the second time in one day Hux’s undermined himself in front of a subordinate because of Ren.

The trooper stands against the wall, clearly worried for their safety. Hux knows better than anyone how bad it can be for the longevity of a Storm Trooper to walk in on a confrontation between two out of three of the scariest people on the ship.

The guard is lucky tonight though, as Hux makes up his mind to end the conversation by walking off stiffly, followed undoubtably by Kylo Ren.

He doesn’t think about where he’s walking, just letting his body move away from the lounge until he realizes he’s almost back to his quarters. He wants to turn around, or find some excuse to go back to the other end of the ship but he feels like a coward for even thinking it.

He also wants to know what Kylo Ren was on about, when he asked to see Hux’s eyes.

 

 

 

When they get to his door Hux had hoped Ren would continue walking towards his own quarters but instead he is standing in a way that anyone else would define as awkward but Hux regards as almost dangerous.  
He doesn’t know what Ren wants from him, he doesn’t understand the man in any way and he certainly doesn’t like how he feels when Ren is around.

Angry, and out of control, and childish, since the very moment they started working together. It is, he realizes belatedly, the exact kind of distraction he tries so hard to avoid.

They stand at the door for the longest moment in Hux’s recent memory. He clears his throat, ready to say something dismissive that will keep him ahead of Ren and whatever he’s planning but Kylo puts his hand up and Hux has the awful feeling that Ren is about to touch him again.

He chooses the lesser of two evils and types his lock code into the door.

“Do you want to come in?” He hears himself say though it feels like someone else speaking for him, it’s so foreign to his ears. He’s never been one for friends really, outside of strategic alliances or brief sexual liaises, and even those are few and far between now that he’s a general. He cannot think of another instance besides this one that he’d ever invited anyone into his rooms in the last few years.

It’s not the worst thing that it’s Kylo Ren with him now, he does have questions that he wants answered and he supposes that, of anyone on the ship, Ren is the closest to his equal.

Hux wonders if Ren’s ever had any real friends, either. He thinks not, he can’t imagine that man being able to make lasting connections with anyone, though he also cannot imagine him having ever been a child, or even a teenager, but rather having always existed as tall and black robed and aggravating.

  
 He knows the reason why they are so often grouped together by Snoke is that they're around the same age and Hux is nothing if not a good example of a young man who doesn’t destroy his belongings when things don’t go his way. He thinks maybe without them knowing or showing it they’re as friendly as two completely opposite professional acquaintances could be.

Hux also suspects he doesn’t quite understand how friendships work.

 

 As soon as they’re in Hux’s main room, which holds nothing much besides a small table and chairs, a couch, a desk, and a small kitchenette, Ren takes his helmet off and plunks it down on a counter.

They both seem to take in the scenery at the same time. It’s clean, pristinely so, and Hux is grateful that a droid must have put away the remnants of the breakfast and clothes he’d left out as he raced to get to work.

 

There are no personal artifacts in the room whatsoever, just plain durasteel walls and stark surfaces. Hux doesn’t actually own anything outside of First Order issued possessions, all his family heirlooms were abandoned in the rush to flee Arkanis when the Empire fell, and he never spends much time in his rooms anyway so emotional clutter would just bother him, he thinks.

 

“Your rooms are different than mine, they’re smaller...” Kylo Ren observes in a casual tone. It’s phrased more like an observation than a barb, but Hux is annoyed just the same.

He looks up at the ceiling as though it could help him but doesn’t take the bait like he normally would.

“Yes, well. I okay’d the officer’s room assignments myself before the Finalizer was populated. Knights of Ren are traditionally offered larger accommodations as they’re expected to spend more time in them” he says in almost a direct quote from the Officer’s Guide Holo. It’s times like these where he’s glad for rules as they make thinking much easier.

Ren seems bored by the explanation, as though if Hux wasn’t going to yell at him there’s no point in continuing to have a conversation at all.

Hux remembers that his feelings are easier to read when he’s mad and imagines that Ren sometimes intentionally eggs him on for that very reason. It would make sense though Hux isn’t sure he wants to give Ren that much credit. After all the man is nothing if not unchecked aggression.

He eyes Kylo for confirmation of his theory but gets nothing.  
Instead Ren paces into the room and helps himself to the items on the shelf by the table. He runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up in all directions and Hux is amazed by how nonthreatening the knight looks without his mask, features too big for his face, almost like a kid.

 

Hux removes his great coat and gloves and puts them away in perfect order in his closet. The familiar motions calm him though he feels like he’s standing on a ledge about to fall, or like he somehow stepped into an alternate universe where everything is wrong and he can’t figure out how to go back home again.

“Do you want something to drink?” He asks as calmly as he can because he’s not sure what else to do. There is no protocol for this kind of thing, and he’s sure Snoke would frown on it if he could see.

“I’m out of caf though, there’s only root tea left,” he continues anyway.

“Tea is fine, I prefer it” Ren responds evenly but without his mask on Hux can see his eyes move around the place like he’s equally uncomfortable. He pulls out a holo Hux recognizes as a documentary about the Rebellion’s inhumane treatment of captured soldiers and frowns at it like he’d never heard that story before.

Hux makes a tea for himself as well, without his gloves and hat it’s easy to get cold on the Finalizer and if anything, the hot water will at least warm his hands and give him something to hold on to.

He looks to Ren who seems taken with plucking through Hux’s belongings as though they were his. Hux would tell him off but knows there’s no point, so instead he sits at the table with the teas and watches one of the most powerful men in the galaxy rearrange his things.

Ren pesters around his shelves for a few more moments until he comes back with a game of holochess that Hux had forgotten was there, it’s First Order issue, the same as even the lowest ranking Troopers have access to in their barracks.

 

“Do you want to?” Ren asks in a strangely authoritative way, like he’s not used to questions.

Hux figures it’s better than sitting silently until one of them dies so he nods. He hasn’t played much of anything since he was young and even now his idea of recreation mostly involves simulated war games or dry holos about war.

At first they’re mostly silent while they play. Hux still isn’t sure what Ren is even doing there and channels his frustrations into winning the chess game. But neither of them are very good at playing holochess and they’re both obviously rusty about the rules. After the first few moves they end up spending more time cheating and disputing the other one’s cheats than actually playing.

It’s odd how easily the initial discomfort dispersed, and Hux is surprised to find he actually thinks he might be enjoying this, at least when he’s winning the game.

After one particularly egregious move by Ren where he moves his knight seven panels up and then four more over, Hux blurts out, "Who in the universe taught you how to play holochess?”

He meant it rhetorically, more of a way to lightly criticize than anything else but Ren leans his head back for a moment in thought.  
Hux knows he picked up on the intent behind the question but chooses to answer it honestly anyway.

“My father” Ren says like it leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

Hux chooses not to push this subject very far, he likes his rooms and body not slashed up when at all possible. But he is curious. And, besides, it’s important to know all he can about someone who might provide insight into Snoke and the ways of the force.

“Huh” is Hux’s careful reply. He pauses for a moment and then ventures, “One of my brothers taught me.”  
The conversation feels more significant than it should, them admitting they did not simply appear fully formed one day.

They change the subject shortly after, and mostly stick to safe topics, like hating the Republic, wanting to crush the Resistance. This at least they have in common.

Hux isn’t unaware of who the leader of the Resistance is and he’s honestly impressed by the complete lack of empathy in Ren’s voice when they speak of it’s eventual destruction, though they don’t elaborate much on their respective ambitions or feelings.

The chess game isn’t really a game anymore so much as the two of them moving pieces around and talking.

Hux takes one of Kylo’s pawns and for lack of anything better to say asks, “What’s it like having the force?”  
 Ren’s eyebrows shoot up as though Hux said something impossibly stupid, and it makes Hux feel defensive.

Ren moves his piece forward and then back and then forward again. Hux watches his expression shift from confusion, to mistrust, and then back again.  
 “You don’t know?” he asks at last.

Hux frowns. Of course he doesn’t know.  
 Kylo Ren is in his main room, making faces at him across from a terrible game of holochess. If Hux had the force, surely he would be able to tell if this was a fever dream or not. As it is, he has no idea.

 

Ren’s expression darkens.

“...Let me in,” he’s muttering as he reaches across the table and grabs Hux’s hand. Hux doesn’t let him take it so much as he doesn’t move his hand away.

Hux can sense Ren asking to get into his mind and closes his eyes. He decides to let Ren in but only a little bit, just to see what happens. But he’s not strong enough once the doors are opened he realizes too late, he should never have let down his guard around a force user, and thoughts flow out of him like water, all jumbled up and mixed together.

 

The way people’s feelings just seem so obvious to him even in masks.

 

 

The bad feelings he sometimes gets before he walks into rooms. 

 

 

The time he almost lost a sparring match in officer training but the other boy’s weapon jammed just in the nick of time.

 

When his oldest brother disappeared after a fight with their father while they were home from the academy. No inquiries were made to his whereabouts, no search efforts were made, it was like his brother never existed. And young as he was Hux knew what his father was capable of and so he had hid in his closet in the dark until he dreamed up the image of his brother safe on a foreign planet, seeing sunshine for the first time in a long while and smiling into it. A man in a white vest and orange jump suit stands next to him. And the daydream had felt so real that Hux was sure his brother was okay.

 

The time when his mother was crying and crying and crying and wouldn’t stop for days. She was always sad but this episode was worse than usual and Hux was so angry with her for being so loud and needy that he thought “ _Just be quiet!_ ” She had begun to choke and splutter in the next room over, like she’d been hurt and Hux had been so scared and guilty that he ran to his father and demanded to be allowed to ship off to First Order training a few months early.

 

And a memory he doesn’t know, that doesn’t belong to him. Of a woman with beautiful soft eyes that just cannot seem show anything besides worry and distrust no matter how hard she tries. A sneaking suspicion that deserving love is conditional upon how he is feeling that day.

 

It’s that last memory that gives him the strength, or perhaps weakens Kylo’s will enough for Hux to kick him out of his mind. He slams the gate down hard and thinks about the rain on Arkanis. 

Hux feels betrayed, like they somehow had an accord.  
They’re still holding hands and Hux thinks he might throw up on the holoboard.

“You honestly think I was lying? That any of that is anything besides circumstance?” Hux says in a tone he hopes comes off less like he is insulted and scared and more like he is professionally unhappy. For whatever reason he had thought things with Ren were different now but he knows he’s simply another test subject. 

Ren seems annoyed with him too, Hux can feel his pulse speed up where they’re touching.

“How else would you explain...” Ren makes a wavy motion with the hand that’s not currently holding Hux’s. It seems to convey that he should already know the end of the sentence.

But Hux of course has no idea what Kylo Ren is ever talking about or implying. He’s not force sensitive, he surely would have seen some kind of sign besides jammed guns and daydreams.

The rationale helps center him again, and he feels his anger subside just enough to grind out “Perhaps I’m just talented and intelligent on my own, without any magic to help me.” 

Ren lets out a huge barking laugh, like it was pushed out of him against his own volition. He’s not smiling so much as barring his teeth in Hux’s direction.

“It’s in your eyes, you know,” Ren raises his voice as he gets up, the hand that was holding Hux’s a moment ago already going for his lightsaber but not activating it. He shoves his helmet on like it's a shield and storms from the table with a modulated “You should get some sleep, General Hux.” Kicks his door when it doesn’t open fast enough to let him walk out.

Hux watches him go, mostly relieved that Ren restrained himself from destroying anything so far, though by the sounds echoing down the hallway he’s sure a console or two will be in need of replacement in the morning.

 

This time there is no particular desire to sleep coming from inside him, but he goes to bed anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thanks for reading! Next chapter will probably be the last unless it gets too long again. Big thanks to everyone who kudo's and commented, it makes me really happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Minor edits: 27/2/16
> 
> Thanks for reading! Feed back is very much loved :)  
> I'm Suncityblues on tumblr by the way
> 
> Also! I just noticed there was a type-o in the summary, please feel free to let me know if I mess up, I'll probably be embarrassed but I definitely won't be insulted.


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